Let's Talk
by SidK
Summary: Post Watershed. Continues from the swings because I couldn't live without some sort of continuation. Just a little take on what could happen.


AN - This is my first Castle fanfic also my second fic ever. Reviews are welcome.

Disclaimer - I don't own Castle...Not really sure why I need to say that but just in case.

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All of your flaws and all of my flaws,  
When they have been exhumed  
We'll see that we need them to be who we are  
Without them we'd be doomed

Bastille - Flaws

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She's shocked, stunned, this isn't how things are supposed to go. They're supposed to talk things through, work out where their relationship is going and where they both stand. They were supposed to talk about it for god sake not have him on one knee asking for her hand. This isn't how it's meant to be.

She's scared and worried and all these emotions are crashing down on her in one instant. What is she supposed to do? So she just sits, stock-still eyes glued on him and that beautiful glistening ring. What is he doing?

His eyes are red rimmed and the longer she looks at them the more she sees his fear, his worry and all the weight of the world holding him to the ground. In this instant, he reminds her of a little boy, lost and scared of life and the future and all she wants to do is make it better.

It's true he has had to claw and scratch for every inch he had unraveled of her but she has opened to him, for him, him only and now when things are falling apart he is grasping, grasping at threads that can break any minute all because of her. But it's not all her fault, it's his too, they wouldn't be in this situation if he had been a little more open, just talked to her about where they were going, answered when she had asked rather than brushing it off.

It was anger now, forcing her to move, to do something, anything. So she pushes off the swing and kneels in front of him.

"Castle, I...I don't know what to say." That was a lie; she knew exactly what she wanted to say but now wasn't the right time, now was too soon and now would be a mistake.

"If you're going to say no then just get it over with." She had caught the rejection sparking in his eyes before he could close them, his voice gruff from the strain of holding all the emotions back.

"No, Castle, listen to me," she placed her hand on his check, massaged the rise with her thumb and bought his face in her line of vision so she could look directly in his eyes, wanting, needing him to see her sincerity and complete honesty, "I'm not saying yes...but I'm not saying no either, Castle. This, what we are doing here. Our relationship, we need to work it out, we need to talk because I am not losing what we have." Her voice broke by the time she finished, hoping to god he would listen to her, heed her words and talk to her.

They were silent for what seemed like an eternity, Castle let out a sigh, something between relief and frustration, which one was most clear she wasn't sure but at least he wasn't backing away and hiding.

She took his hand and pulled him up with her, "Come one, my cars parked on the other side."

He followed, no protest, no comment nothing, just followed her in silence. His eyes drawn down, maybe he was feeling a little rejected. Wouldn't any man after not getting an answer to his proposal.

He broke the silence once in the car, "You're right. We do need to talk and work things out but is it OK if we do this at your place, it's just Mother would be at the loft and your place is more private."

"Sure." She was glad he wanted to go to her place, not that you could call it that anymore, she hadn't really spent much time there, only over the past few days, since this whole job debacle, she just needed some space. Thinking room as she liked to call it.

They drove in complete silence after that, Castle staring out the passenger window and occasionally glancing down at his hands, nervous, he was nervous. This was tearing him apart, no answer and now talking. Plus everything that had happened from finding out she had kept a secret from him to her actually considering the job. It wasn't just eating at him though; it was hurting her too just as much, maybe more.

He fingered his pocket too from time to time, the ring he had pushed into it only moments earlier burning holes in his trouser. She couldn't help but peak in his direction every time she hit a red light or the traffic seemed to be slow enough for it.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask like how long had he had the ring and was he asking because he really, with all his heart wanted to or because he was scared she would leave him for the job. He had said, no matter what she decided, so surely that meant he wanted to because he thought it was the right thing to do but there was still that nagging doubt in the back of her mind.

They made it to her apartment with no words uttered, no accidental touches or glances. She led him through the door once it was open; Castle a little apprehensive stepped through making his way to the middle of the lounge. She shut the door with a gentle thud and leaned against it, expelling a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

Now that they were here neither of them knew where to start. What was the first thing to ask, how did this go?

It was Castle to ask the first question, "So are taking the job?" great jump straight into the deep end, why did he have to do that, couldn't he ask something less daunting, a little easier on the emotions.

She pushed off the door and moved towards him standing a safe distance away, "I haven't decided."

"Because of this?"

"Us?" he corrected.

"Because I need to know where we're going Castle." She almost pleaded.

"What do you want from this relationship?" another hard-hitting question. Why now, all of a sudden, oh right because she asked for it.

She hesitated, unsure, what did she want, she didn't know exactly but she knew she wanted more. She wanted to stop standing still and move forward, to be more. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to be with him forever and always, through thick and thin but she couldn't just blurt that out at the spur of the moment, this need careful construction and planning.

"I...I don't know..."

He let out a harsh breath ruefully smiling and turning away from her, "I can't give you something you don't even know you want Kate." His response was cold, hitting her in the face. He was right, he couldn't give her something if she didn't ask but she'd never ask if he never pushed for the answers.

They were both to blame, neither pushing the other and now they had gotten themselves stuck in a rut on the verge of breaking. Holding on to the small tethers left hoping to make amends before everything fell apart beneath their feet.

"Castle please don't be like this."

He turned towards her slowly, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair, exasperated. His eyes were dark, sadness bursting through them, anger and sorrow radiating from every inch of him.

"Like what Beckett..." oh that stung and she blinked.

"I went slowly, I went at your pace hoping that I wouldn't rush things, wouldn't scare you. Hoping that after four years of waiting that this would work, we could make it work. And we did, nearly a year and then came along Eric Vaughn and all of a sudden everything starts to crumble. What changed?"

She moved closer to him, bridging the gap he had been holding. "Nothing changed Castle, I just realised that maybe I wanted more."

"What more do you want Kate, I just proposed and you didn't answer. If that's not more then I'm sorry."

"I want to say yes but I can't because I don't know if you're asking me from the bottom of your heart, because you really want to marry me or because you're scared I'm going to take the job. I don't know what you want and unless I know that then I have no idea what I want. I need to know you want more just as much as me." She said desperately, tears now working their way through her eyes, brimming ready to spill but she had to keep it together.

"God Kate, I love you and I want to marry you regardless of your job. I want to be able to call you my wife even if you're in DC. I want to wake up next to, hold you and spend my life with you." He bowed his head.

He was shaking with the force of his emotion that his last few words were barely a whisper.

She closed the remaining space between them and took his face in her hands her palms framed his cheeks.

"I want to spend my life with you too, Rick." She said raising his head so he would look at her, look into her eyes and see all that she had to lay in front of him, her heart and her soul were his for the taking.

"No, Kate listen..." he said staring straight into her eyes, seeing through to her soul and burning a flame that may never be tamed.

"...I want everything that comes with a committed relationship. I want to be there for you, to jump into problems with you and to have you do the same for me..." She cut him off with a kiss, sweet and tender yet fierce in its nature. Showing him what she feels and what she can't say.

"I want all of this too, with you, Castle because I love you."

His fingers twisted around her wrist as he leaned his forehead against hers, a small smile gracing his face, the first in so very long, "What about the Job?"

"I have a week to decide." She whispered as she wound her hands around his neck.

He closed his eyes and let one of his hands cradle the back of her head whilst the other found rest on her hip, "I'm sorry if I ever took you for granted or made you think I didn't want more. I meant what I said about being there no matter what your decision."

"Thank you, but Castle, maybe we should work through this before we jump into other things."

"Is that you saying no to my proposal?"

She nuzzled his neck before moving up and brushing her nose against his, "No, it's me saying, someday. How about you ask me again, just not right now."

"I'll hold you to that, you know." He smiled down at her.

This was it, they had taken a large step forward but this wasn't over, they had a lot more to get through before everything would be back to normal and she still had to decide whether she would take the job or not.

They would work it out, over the week and she was already sure of what course she wanted to take. There was only one place her heart belonged, only one place and that place was her home.

~Fin~

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** If there are any mistakes please feel free to let me know. :) **


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